Just in case you aren’t feelin’ it

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I have been just a little ray of sunshine lately, huh?  I am trying to walk the walk and talk the talk friends.

Sometimes I don’t feel it.  Sometimes I feel like a big ole nothin’.  I sleep too much.  I am not a “fine” artist.  I have not created an orphanage or malaria hospital out of the country.

I have a temper.  Sometimes I want to throw pencils at people.  Spit wads.  Sometimes I actually do sit on the rock in our front yard (which is at a four way stop that no one stops at) and I literally SHAKE MY FIST at the people in the cars.  True story.

I was just listening to WBGL radio and they were discussing the comparison game that happens among moms so much.  And apparently, according to them, there seems to be a peak in this at the start of school.  (I think it never dips, honestly).  The comparisons can bring us DOWN super quickly.  I do not even look at, let alone subscribe, to parenting magazines of any sort.  They bum me out.  Because I don’t sit on the floor and play games with the kids.  I don’t make shaped pancakes every Saturday and never will I frost a sugar cookie.  I let my kids watch an ungodly amount of tv.  I swear, in front of the kids.  I don’t make them match their clothes and they will never look like little models.  Not happening at this house.

And then I remember this.  God can do anything.  He created everything out of nothing, including Moi.  And He will help me be awesome in my own way.

So I paint in my journal illustrationy little things…that ya’ll seem to enjoy.

I homeschool my kids and take them on field trips.  I am awesome at letting them be their unique selves and celebrating that.

I take super awesome naps.

I bake really good mac and cheese.

And sometimes I keep that temper in check and smile really sweetly at people, maybe think naughty words.  🙂

God created me to be who He wanted.  Who He needed me to be.

God will help me turn it around, he will keep me on the path.

Well said Martin Luther.  That Martin, he was one smart dude.

Go, Tell, and make disciples of all nations--spread the good news.
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sing it sister

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Do it!

Let it out…loud and clear…with gusto…with love…with hope.

Sing it people!

Go, Tell, and make disciples of all nations--spread the good news.
1

Two Much

Guess what I did?  I did not let enough be enough. Mostly because I can’t focus.  ADD strikes again.  I made this artwork:

IMG_0041Then I found this artwork when I was scanning things in:IMG_0038

Seem familiar?  Huh.  Well, I guess I really liked this idea in my head.  Needing a little more organization I guess.

So what do you think?  Which one should go in the store?  I like them both.  I love the sentiment of this.  Might use it for valentine’s day actually.  Sunny people are so lovely to be around.  I strive to be sunny.  And if I can get every square inch of the day, awesome.  That would be enough.  And the people who are sunny around me, I want to cram them into every square inch.  The day is just so much better around those people.  Definitely an excellent card.  Good job Walt Whitman.

 

Go, Tell, and make disciples of all nations--spread the good news.
9

But here’s the thing: LOVE

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Do it without logic.  Sometimes.

Do what is enough.  Call it good. Whether it is big or small.

But do it with love people.

Love on anyone and everyone you can.  ‘Cuz that’s what its all about.  It’s about love, love, love.  (HA!  Do you remember that Sunday school/Bible school song?  LOVED it.  I know you are singing it with me. )

THIS is what being a Christian is about.  This is what following and being faithful are about.  Doing it in LOVE.  Not in lustful love, not in judgemental love.

LOVE.  PURE.  LOVE.  Even if it is for someone you disagree with.  Even if it hurts.

Go, Tell, and make disciples of all nations--spread the good news.
1

Robin Williams & the ying and yang of creativity

More eye candy over at www.ddgdaily.com

 

Ahh, creativity.  Thou hast brought me great joy.  Thou hast caused me great angst.

This is the life of an artist, yes?  Unfortunately, yes for most creatives.

We put ourselves in an extremely vulnerable place.  We open ourselves up to so much, pour ourselves out, and filling that well back up can be almost impossible sometimes.  Especially since really, we require more filling than others because we are so vulnerable.

This quote has been on my mind for a while.   Can anyone really make you feel alone?  Or do you already feel this way and occasionally encounter those that reinforce that emptiness?  Everything you feel, think and see is already within you, attributing it to another person is merely a denial of yourself to yourself.

I actually pinned this a few days before Robin Williams death.  Here was a powerhouse of creativity and vulnerability who understood.  Creatives can be in a room full of people, but still feel set off from the rest, still feel different, still feel empty.  Alone, yet stand out.

Especially when you throw in depression/anxiety– because really they are kissing cousins who walk hand in hand.

There in is the ying and yang:  the high of creation, of letting God flow through you to make something that will touch others–swing to the low of emptying yourself into something no one recognizes or gives credence and the low esteem that follows.

"You're only given one little spark of madness. You mustn't lost it." - Robin Williams  #quotes

He was able to embrace his madness and spill it out onto the screen for all of us to be filled with his creativity and humor.  I didn’t know the man obviously, but I have watched many of his movies , which are favorites, over and over and over.  Many of the other quotes I found were from movies, not necessarily things Mr. Williams said.  But the way he recited those lines with gusto, emphasis and emotion made me believe that he felt that way.  Made me feel like he was directly channeling the screenwriter and touching each of us watching.  What a gift.

But obviously he had those demons.  He didn’t always get refilled for everything he gave.  And that is sad.  So sad.  That he felt alone still.  He maybe had those feelings that, even if he didn’t feel alone,  he believed those closest to him would have it easier without him.

That’s the part people don’t always understand about suicide.  In my case, I didn’t consider suicide only  for selfish reasons, but that I thought it would be truly easier and better for everyone concerned if they didn’t have to deal with me.  Others would probably miss me, yes I understood that, but from the bottom of that pit I thought there were few choices:  waste a lot of money locking me up for the rest of my time and they would lose me to craziness but still have to deal with me, or waste everyone’s time trying to control the crazy being around them, or just let it be over for all of us so we could move  on.  As a depressed person, it can be easy to believe the last one is the best choice for everyone.

Thankfully, I am out of that pit.  I had people close to me that helped me realize there were other choices–ones that could help me survive the vulnerability, maybe not need quite so much filling, ones with less drama, options that would help the chemical imbalances I could not control, no matter how hard I tried.  Medicine was able to pull me back.  My faith, friends and family keep me evened out.  But still, if I forget that medicine, I can, and will, crash.

I wish Robin Williams, and so many others, had been able to climb out.  Hopefully he has found peace at last.  Please, if you struggle with anxiety/depression–seek medical help.  It is a cancer of the personality and brain.  It cannot be cured, but it can be controlled.  Seek help.  Don’t leave the pit entirely.  CLIMB out.  Believe this:

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Go, Tell, and make disciples of all nations--spread the good news.
2

Keeping Perspective–enough

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This one is a little different than others.  A little doodley, not super colorful.  But it is ENOUGH.  It is good.

I am enough.

And so are you!

We will not beat ourselves up today.  God created us to be us.  That is enough.

Go, Tell, and make disciples of all nations--spread the good news.
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wait, who???

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I found this in one of my journals, had totally forgot about it.  I think I got it from a friend…

Do you ever feel this way?  I am sort of struggling with this.  Actually it is a big reason I have volunteered soooo much, and part of the reason I need to step back.  I want to change things.  To my way of thinking.

I am not your average suburbanite.  I think competition for young children is ridiculous.  I think kids are over scheduled, selling too much junk, and should not be allowed to have tvs in their rooms or phones.  Yep, I am that mom.  I think they should be dirty from playing outside, fingers paper cut from reading books and creating, playing sports for learning and fun, selling lemonade not cookie dough.

I volunteered at the school to try and push my own agenda.  That did not work out.  I volunteered at church because I saw a need and I wanted to get the focus back on Biblical things, not just social events.  That kind of worked, I just ended up sucked dry doing too much.  We switched dance studios.  I am homeschooling.

Now I am going to do something different.  I am going to be that somebody here at home.  I am going to push my agenda here.  I will just have to try and save the world one child at a time, starting with my own.   At least if I raise them this way, maybe they will think the same way?

Do you ever feel this way?  Like there are so many things you think could be better?  Simpler?  More faith filled?  How have you been that somebody?  How do you do it?

 

Go, Tell, and make disciples of all nations--spread the good news.
2

Super Powers of Refreshment

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I love this little fairy version of me.  Unfortunately this one has the red hair.  (Which by the way will not be returning, I like my dark punky shortness and if it goes white so be it because the red drove me nuts.)

I digressed as usual.

My super power is not volunteering.  It is not planning super events.  It is not organizing.  Yeah, I can do a good job when I focus, and I enjoy  it to some extent.  But it is not my super power.

I knew this was my super power.  I just ignored it for other things.  I was not focused.  Imagine that.

So now, in my new phase (Refreshment and Humor) of stretching and growing into God’s plans for me I am going to use my SUPER POWER.  I even have a cape  I made back when I was teaching.  It is rainbow on one side and silver sparkles on the other.  I was super art teacher in it.  And you know why???  Because it brought out my kindness, it brought out the humor,  it brought out that I cared about touching those little munchkins everyday with art.  I knew it back then.  And I forgot.  I lost focus.  Teaching art for our Bible school made me remember even more.  I LOVE teaching art to little people.  LOVE it.  Art, teaching, kindness.

I am going to wear my cape.  I am going to be super artist, super teacher.  I am going to be super ME.  Super kind.  Super silly.

So what is your super power?  I have been talking a lot about me lately.  Let me know about you!

Go, Tell, and make disciples of all nations--spread the good news.
1

Ignoring logic

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Yep, that’s pretty much how I am rolling right now.  Going for it.  Might not seem logical, but it’s all good.

Go, Tell, and make disciples of all nations--spread the good news.
0

Reach out and Touch…Somebody’s Hand

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Love this quote.  Not sure who said it.  But do you remember that song… if not…

Diana Ross:  Reach Out and Touch Somebody’s Hand

Come on, you know you know it.  You know you are humming along…Or not…maybe I am just a child of the 70’s.

Man, I am so going to be humming this for days.

That right there, that is my effort at humor injected into the lives of others and at refreshing others.

That artwork is my hand, my crazy crooked fingers, my painted nails, my ring and symbol I belong to Jeff.  That is my table in my home.

I may not change the world with crazy volunteering this year.  But I am going to use these hands to daily touch lives.  Through painting, through typing this blog, through being there for those closest to me.

I am going to reach out and touch you people!  Be ready!

NO BEING WORRIED ABOUT GERMS either!

Go, Tell, and make disciples of all nations--spread the good news.
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Refreshing

 

 

So I was saying, I need to refresh and find more humor in life.  The artworks I had scheduled this week are hands.  And that works perfectly.  I can see God reaching out and holding me.  Guiding me.  Reaching out to others.  Trying to help others.

This song has been stuck in my head.  I have many friends going through some really, really tough stuff.   Please take a second and listen to this:

JJ Heller’s song Your Hands

He has got us.  We never leave His hands.  He is leading us.

Right now He is taking me by the hand and leading me to refresh.

I made a HUGE decision last week. I am going to take a YEAR LONG Sabbatical from volunteering.  I am going to say NO. Crazy for me I know.

I am going to refresh myself.  I am going to refresh my family.  I am going to help refresh some of my friends.  I am going to rest in his steadfast love and faithfulness. I am going to focus on art.  I am going to use my art to do a lot of that refreshing.  I can use it as a service.

 But I am not volunteering.

I am going to hold others in my hands and show them love, faith, humor, and refreshment.  I am going to make humor a big part of that.  I am going to smile even more.  I am going to laugh even more.  I am going to infuse my art with all of that.

My hubby is crazy excited about this.  He is not sure I can do it.  But we are both sure hoping that I can.  🙂

Go, Tell, and make disciples of all nations--spread the good news.
2

With my Whole Heart

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I am thankful for so, so many things.  Often my heart feels so full it will burst.  I will never be able to sing enough to God of my blessings.

Go, Tell, and make disciples of all nations--spread the good news.
0

Come Rest

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Ha!  See I KNEW naps were a good thing!

No, seriously, God commands us to rest.  One of the big 10 is to set aside a day for quiet.  To come alongside Christ, to pray, to renew, to well….rest.  We cannot go at a breakneck pace all the time and expect to be at our best.  We cannot shine a clear, bright light.  We cannot use our lightning power for good.

I don’t know about you, but when I am tired, I am cranky and I screw up twice as much.  My first day on vacation, before I really had some true quiet and rest, I hit my head on a table, tried to take my pills with a hot cup of coffee, lost several things, dipped my paintbrush in said coffee, put my clothes on wrong, couldn’t get a sentence out straight to save my life and more.  I painted, I walked, I napped, I read a book, I chatted with my parents and enjoyed the view.  I prayed.  And I was so much better off.  I need that rest.  God knows this.  He planned it.  I just have to obey.  All of His commands are for my good.

So how about you?  Are you good at taking the time to refresh?  To be quiet?  How do you do it?

 

Go, Tell, and make disciples of all nations--spread the good news.
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Houses #4

IMG_0006-003Do you say bedtime prayers?  I am more likely to pray in the morning.  I spend most of the time I am walking/jogging praying–gratitude, intercessions, for God’s leadership and wisdom.  We pray before our meals.  And I do pray most nights with the kids before bed.  (Sometimes they out last me and Jeff tucks them in, there are some nights I completely crash.)  I grew up saying Now I Lay Me Down to Sleep, Jesus Tender Shepherd, and the Lord’s Prayer.  I say those with my kids.  But lately I have been saying a special prayer for each of them.  Each child gets a variation of this:

Dear God, Be with **** tonight.  Fill their dreams with wonderful ___ and help them feel safe.  Help his/her body grow tonight and be healthy…without hurting (because lots of growing pains lately).  Thank you for keeping **** safe all day and be with them tomorrow.  We thank you for ****’s special talents______.  We ask you to forgive them for ____ and help them do _____ better tomorrow.  Fill his/her brain with ____, the heart with ____, and their day with _____.  In Jesus’ name, Amen.  We are usually asking for patience, compassion, wisdom, love, all sorts of things.

It has been great.  Each child really responds to this kind of individual, personal attention.  I still think learning the other prayers are important, but I think they feel a closer relationship to Jesus this way.  What songs and prayers are in your home?

Go, Tell, and make disciples of all nations--spread the good news.
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