I am overwhelmed by the blessings God is pouring on me lately. You know why? Because I never truly expected them. I am constantly filled with self doubt–perfectionism leads me to believe that I am never quite good enough. Someone’s art is always more detailed, bigger, more technical. My writing is just the same as anyone else out there in the blogosphere. And this isn’t new. I have always struggled with this form of low self-confidence.
Several random thoughts converged into this topic in the last few weeks. It started when I noticed various child behaviors at the ball fields the last month. And, as you will see, it started on thoughts about parenting, and it morphed into lessons of how God parents me all the time.
When the kids were really little we started a signal when they needed my attention–especially when I was on the phone or speaking with someone else. Because, even though they didn’t need me thirty seconds before the phone rang, it is a dire emergency to tell me there is lint on the couch as soon as I say hello to anyone. Suddenly they are yelling, “Mom!MOm!MmmOMMMM!MomMYMOmmYYY!” and tugging on any clothing or skin they can find.
So we decided they would wrap their little hands around my wrist and hold on (which of course did become a death grip with a small dance depending on the urgency). I could either look down at them, touch them, or just wink to acknowledge their need, and could answer as soon as possible. They liked that they at least had some control, I liked that they quit yelling.
Wouldn’t it be nice to do that with God, have that direct contact signal? Just hold His wrist and just wait until He answered? Sometimes He seems to take forever! But at least I would know for sure I was in His presence, I would be sure He was aware of my need. When my head is filled with doubts–about my choices, about the nature of the world, about things beyond my control–it would be very comforting to have that signal.
And then I realized. I do have that. I have a link to His comfort, peace, unconditional love, and a gift that He knows I am here and need Him. It is always at my disposal. He created it for me, for each of His babies.
God spent thousands of years writing it. Talking to people. Doing miracles. Recording them, so that we would have that direct link to Him all the time.
He hears us. It says right there in the Bible. He knows. We just have to wait for the wink, the look, the touch, a word. We have to be watching and listening for it. Not listening to our own cries. Not caught up in our own emergency temper tantrum dance. But patiently waiting. Holding on to His comfort. Letting our doubts be renewed in His hope and cheer.
I know I have been waiting for this particual wink for over 15 years. I let go of His wrist a few times. I listened to my screaming a few times. But when I have waited patiently, I have been rewarded.
Calm your doubts today. Hold on to your Savior. He WILL calm your doubts. He WILL bring you hope and cheer.